


He Looks Up Grinning Like a Devil

by daintylemonsquare



Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Unprotected Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:26:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29737302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daintylemonsquare/pseuds/daintylemonsquare
Summary: Clark and Julian are costars in a movie and their teams decide that them having a PR relationship is a good idea. On paper it is. Clark has some reservations.
Relationships: Julian Larson-Armstrong/Clark Sawyer
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	He Looks Up Grinning Like a Devil

**Author's Note:**

> -I try to avoid using song lyrics as titles for my fics because that's just my aesthetic but I couldn't help it with this one. Cruel Summer makes me scream.   
> -Also big shoutout to Annika (spaceprincess97) for building upon this delicious concept. <3

Clark could’ve said no. When their teams suggested that they become one of those PR couples once they caught wind of the hype their respective followings were starting to build, there was no reason for him to roll over and accept it. He had valid reasons to decline. It was inauthentic. The idea of lying to put more wind behind the sails of an already anticipated movie didn’t sit well with him. He laughed about it. Played it off as overkill and redundant. Said that Julian Larson in the lead role was enough to sell it.

Then Julian said, “I don’t know, it could be funny. Don’t you think?” He smiled his perfect smile. The next thing Clark knew, he agreed that they were going to play it out until a month or two after the film’s release.

“I’ll make it as painless as possible,” Julian said in the elevator ride down to the parking lot. “I don’t enjoy the whole PDA thing anyway so we can sell some kisses here and there and we’ll post about it. You can still live your rockstar lifestyle. I won’t watch. Or maybe I will.” He glanced over his sunglasses.

Clark sputtered. “That’s not—I’m not—”

Julian laughed. He heard plenty of fake laughs in his comparatively short life in Hollywood but Julian didn’t sound like it was. His laugh was as manicured as his smile, as manicured as his nails. Clark stared in both awe and confusion. Julian was hard to read.

“I know. I’ve heard about you and your merry men. Quite pure for a bunch of young men living the high life,” Julian said. “St. Clark of Hollywood. The last uncorrupted soul in the City of Angels.”

Clark snorted. “Not after this day. I didn’t think I’d be in a PR relationship with _the_ Julian Larson.”

“Baby, you could do so much worse. Trust me,” Julian replied. Clark shivered a little at the playful lilt of his voice. The elevator doors dinged open. Julian winked and pushed his sunglasses up as he made his exit. “I’ll text you soon. We have a date in three days. It’s my mom’s premiere. We have to make sure we don’t clash.” 

Clark forgot that he parked his car on the same floor. He was too busy wondering why his palms were sweaty. Nerves before a big performance, he figured. It was all just a big performance here. Nothing more would come from it. This was a simple stunt. A business move. He’d done more daring acts on tour with his friends. They were on a planned course. There was nothing to worry about. No reason for him to think that his heart was going to derail it. 

* * *

“Hello, Clark Sawyer, right?”

“Hello! Julian! I…I honestly didn’t think you’d remember me after you did that guest role in _Something Damaged_.”

“I don’t forget a face. One of my many gifts. Anyway, I heard that you were auditioning for the role opposite mine for that sci-fi movie.”

“Oh, yeah! I am. Why?”

“I like to check out my costars to see if we can get along. Considering our characters are going to be romantically linked, I wanna know if I’ll even like you enough to be in the same room, let alone have your tongue down my throat while we simulate sex in front of twenty people.”

“Buy me flowers first, dude. I feel like we’re going too fast.”

“You passed the first test.”

“Cool. I’m busy tomorrow but I’ve got some free time this Sunday.”

“Sunday’s perfect.”

* * *

Clark could never forget that first day of filming.

He was going over his lines and listening to a playlist he created to tune in on his character’s vibes. The faux cybernetic armor he had on was warm. He expected his make-up to melt the second he got to his marks under the studio lights. Julian tapped him on the shoulder while he was staring into space, running through the scene in his head.

Clark pulled his earphones out. He turned around, forearm on the back of his seat and one leg tucked under him. “Hi,” Clark said. “What’s up?”

“Hi. I want to break the ice a little bit before our scene later. Can I kiss you?” Julian asked.

The costume he wore grew warmer. He wasn’t expecting this conversation to happen yet. “Excuse me?”

“Just to get it out of the way beforehand. Sometimes people are nervous. Then it’s a whole thing before the scene. So tedious. Don’t want to waste time when we don’t have to,” Julian replied.

“Okay. Sure?”

Julian’s smile brightened. Clark felt Julian’s fingers dance over his jaw to tilt his head up. Their lips met in the middle. Clark could feel the vibrations of his heartbeat buzzing over his scalp. His lips were sweet with a hint of coffee. He smelled expensive. Kissing Julian was like stepping into a luxury store when he didn’t have any money. It seemed forbidden. If he breathed in too much, he’d have to pay for it. But it was also magnetic. He didn’t want to step away even though it might be better if he did. Julian smiled before pulling away. Clark found himself leaning after Julian.

It was only then that Clark was aware that there were at least a dozen eyes watching them from every direction. Clark ran his tongue over his lips. That did nothing to ease the burn. His immediate thought to remedy it was a glass of milk. Julian chuckled.

Milk was a stupid idea.

“You okay?” Julian asked.

“I wasn’t expecting to kiss you until after lunch,” Clark answered with a huff. His fingers quivered as the kiss replayed itself over and over on his mouth.

“It’s more efficient this way,” Julian said. He patted Clark’s cheek. “Catch you later, Sawyer.” Then he walked away like he just greeted Clark a good morning.

That was when the first rumor that they were dating started.

* * *

It was straightforward in the beginning. Clark had directions. Show up to events with Julian. Hold Julian’s hand sometimes. Pose for pictures with him. Post the odd Instagram with Julian involved. It was only for three months or so. They’d spun a story that they started dating before the cast was even announced.

“That’s actually a picture of our first date,” Julian said to an interviewer. They’d pulled up a picture of him and Clark having brunch. “I asked him out. I was a little nervous. I’d always been a fan of his band’s music so I wasn’t sure how it was going to go. But now I’m here so…I mean, it’s so weird seeing that picture. First, because I didn’t think it was being taken.” Julian laughed. “Also because I didn’t think we’d come this far.”

That day did go well. Not romantically, but platonically. Julian was bright and as genuine as they came. After reminiscing about _Something Damaged_ , Julian asked Clark about his music, and what attracted him to audition for the role, and it went on from there. Talking to Julian was easy. Like he was an old friend. When Clark first saw this interview, he almost thought it was the truth.

He was a little sad that it wasn’t. Once he caught the feeling, he let it flutter it away. He had no reason to be sad about a fake relationship he was doing for a movie.

“How many of these have you done?” Clark asked. They were at a party Julian was invited to. Though Clark wasn’t big on going to every event he was invited to, Julian was. And Clark was an accessory Julian couldn’t be seen without. This was quickly evident to Julian and asked Clark to feel free to pull him to a quiet corner, hallway, or just outside the venue altogether whenever he needed to. Clark had tried to grin and bear it for a while then broke after he had to laugh at a joke he didn’t find funny at all for the tenth time.

This was one of those nights. 

“Drinks? Not that much, actually,” Julian answered.

Behind them, the din of the party was a fading dream. They were leaning against the backyard facing wall of the celebrity home they found themselves. Julian held a flute of champagne by the rim. A slight breeze wafted by from time to time, causing the trees around them to rustle. The city shimmered below them while the stars struggled to shine as bright above them. Julian stared at the view. Clark stared at Julian.

“No. I meant the relationships,” Clark said.

“Ah, not as many as you would assume,” Julian answered. “Two. You’re my third. Why?”

“I don’t know. I just wonder if it makes you feel weird like it’s making me feel weird sometimes,” Clark said.

Julian faces him. His smile had softened from the smile he was touting around back with the others. “I’d love to tell you that it makes me feel the same and that I’m tired of playing pretend all the time. The truth is: make-believe has always been my favorite game growing up and you can’t make me stop now.” Julian and Clark shared a giggle. “And I’m sure you know this but I love the attention. People have been talking about us nonstop. The compilations on YouTube are fun. Our hashtag’s blowing up on Tumblr. That place is wild. I’m having fun, aren’t you?”

“I guess I am. I just don’t like deceiving my fans,” Clark said.

“Don’t think of it as deception. Think of it more of an extension of our performance. That’s how I sleep at night,” Julian replied then drank the rest of his champagne. “That, and how it’s really none of their business who I date. I’m doing them a favor by being public with one. This is a treat.”

Clark laughed. “Sure. Whatever you say.”

“That makes sense and you know it,” Julian said.

“If you twist it around a little bit and turn it on its side, yeah, it makes sense,” Clark countered. Julian nodded, satisfied, and returned to enjoying the view. “You’re the one in the relationship who always has to be right, huh?”

“We’ve been dating for three weeks. You haven’t figured that out yet?” Julian said with a chuckle.

“You’re lucky that I’m always willing to concede,” Clark replied.

“No, you’re lucky that you’ve got a boyfriend who’s always right. Makes things easier.” They shared another laugh. Clark never really noticed how often he laughed around Julian until then.

After a lull in the conversation, Clark said, “Do you want to go back in?”

Julian snorted. “Do you? If I have to trudge through another conversation about the nuances of a bland film they were planning on producing, I’ll jump in the pool with the phone in my pocket just to spice things up in this so-called party. Let’s stay out here for a couple more minutes.”

Clark glanced at the still water of the pool a few feet away from them. They drove here. He some spare clothes in the back of the car after that one time he went shopping with Corey. Julian’s clothes weren’t too expensive. He mentioned earlier that he wore this outfit specifically because he didn’t one-hundred percent want to be here but had to. A grin spread on his lips. Julian didn’t have time to inquire. Clark was sweeping him off his feet.

“Clark!” Julian wriggled in Clark’s arms but Clark held him close.

“Let’s make this so-called party a party,” Clark replied, giggling against Julian’s half-hearted, champagne doused struggles.

“My phone! I was kidding about my phone!” Julian said. “And my hair, goddamn it!”

“Your hair will be fine!” He stood at the edge of the pool.

“Clark, I’m serious! Don’t throw me into the pool!” Julian said, his serious tone cut by the smile he fought to push down.

“Fine.” Clark put down Julian.

“Thank you.”

He grabbed the phone out of Julian’s hand and shoved him into the pool with his free hand. He guffawed. Behind him, a smattering of gasps and the hint of laughter was heard. He kicked off his shoes as Julian resurfaced.

“Clark Aaron Sawyer,” Julian yelled after sputtering. “Fuck you!”

Clark put his phone and Julian’s phone into each shoe. “I’d shout your name back at you but you have ten fucking names!” He ran into a jump and a cannonball. The pool was heated so Julian couldn’t be too mad at him. Above him, there were muffled cheers. Waterlogged clothes pulled him down when he rose. He broke the surface, shaking his hair off his face. Julian splashed him. He still grinned.

“What? Aren’t you having fun now?” Clark asked.

“You’re a dumbass,” Julian replied.

“That’s my brand.” Clark waved at the curious party-goers. “Come in, the water’s fine!” Julian stripped and hit Clark with a wet smack.

“You guys are so cute!” Someone commented. Julian put an arm around Clark’s shoulders and kissed his cheek as Clark pulled the shirt off his face. They smiled at each other. His heart spun. Surprise coursed through him, warm and inviting, but he didn’t want to think about it too much. Just because a wet, shirtless Julian Larson was pressed against him, didn’t mean it meant anything more than the obvious physical attraction.

* * *

Clark posted an Instagram story. The first picture was of Julian looking immaculate in front of a mirror with Clark standing behind him. The caption said “How It Started.” The next one was a video of him rising out of a pool with all of his clothes on—socks and tie and all. It ended with Julian saying “hubba, hubba” and Clark reaching for the phone. The video cut before any resolution could be seen. The caption said “How It’s Going.”

Julian posted an Instagram story. It was the same mirror from earlier. This time, Clark wasn’t there. His hair was ruffled but it still looked good on him. He wore a sweater that had frying pans on it in the colors of the pansexual flag and jeans with the cuffs rolled up. Clark Sawyer was tagged in the photo with a blue heart attached to it.

* * *

Julian was stressed when they got to the resort. He waved Clark away when he tried to ask what was wrong. He didn’t bother joking about how “Now this feels like a real relationship.” The bags under Julian’s eyes and the harsh way he muttered into his phone while they were driven to the airport discouraged any jokes. Julian was able to play the role of a boyfriend excited for a vacation when they were in open spaces where people could see them. He smiled, but it wasn’t as easy as the other ones that Clark saw. They held hands, but Julian’s grasp was the tiniest bit too hard. His voice betrayed no tension, but he kept it up even though it was just him and Clark.

Clark did his best to match the energy. He couldn’t wait until they were in their hotel room. It was a lot easier when Julian was the more willing participant.

Julian lost steam after yet another rapidly whispered phone call the second he disembarked the plane. Clark picked up the slack instead of sitting in the bad mood with Julian. He talked to the flight attendants, he talked to the driver, he talked to the hotel staff. This gave Julian a chance to retreat behind his sunglasses and a smaller smile he plastered on just in case. To anyone looking in from the outside, there was no trouble in paradise.

While they waited for their room key, Julian wrapped his arms around Clark’s waist and rested his head on Clark’s shoulder. “Someone’s taking pictures,” Julian murmured.

Clark didn’t have to look around to know that was true. This trip was, after all, part of the ruse. He kissed the side of Julian’s head. With his free arm, he pulled Julian closer to him. “We’ll be free from prying eyes soon. Just hang in there, J.” He started rubbing Julian’s back.

“God, I could use a bottle of wine right now,” Julian continued. “I’m gonna laugh like you said something funny.” And he did. It was a convincing one. Discombobulating as it was to see Julian’s face brighten so much after a hours of it staying dim, Clark managed to grin like he told the best joke.

“You know, I could’ve actually said something funny,” Clark said into Julian’s neck.

“Like you could say something that would make me laugh right now if I put you on the spot,” Julian retorted.

“You wound me, sir,” Clark said. Julian’s smile faded again into something less fabricated. Almost fond. Clark blushed. He had moments where Julian would wink at him, kiss him without prompting, and spin stories about their non-existent sex life when he was tipsy. These instances made him blush less that the expression Julian had provided today. Clark couldn’t figure out why.

Once they received their keys, they went over their long weekend schedule filled with public appearances on the way to their suite. Scuba diving. Dinner by the beach. Hike to a waterfall. Fishing. Souvenir shopping. Parasailing. All of these planned by their team to showcase their relationship “outside of work.” Their suite, lavish as it was, felt more of an office than an escape.

Julian ordered wine immediately.

The sun had long set when they sat on the table behind their balcony doors that overlooked the ocean. Julian draped his legs over the chair’s arm, curled into his hefty glass of sauvignon blanc, and stared into space. Clark sat on the opposite seat. There was music in the background at least. A vacation playlist he used for trips like this. It didn’t feel right to put on since it wasn’t a proper vacation but silence would be worse.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Clark finally said.

“You know you’re not actually my boyfriend,” Julian said, voice barbed and acidic. He sipped his wine.

“I’m still your friend, aren’t I?” Clark replied with every inch of his patience. “I’d like to think so.”

Julian shook his head. “Let’s just get through this weekend without breaking up. How about that?”

Clark drummed his fingers on the table. His gaze traveled from Julian’s empty glare at the darkness beyond their room to the bob his throat as he gulped down the wine. Clark could only imagine how bad his mood could sour if this continued. If Julian wasn’t in the mood, he couldn’t expect himself to keep it up as well. Talented as he was, Julian reached a limit. Clark had an inkling that Julian wouldn’t admit that.

“Screw this,” Clark said. “We’re on vacation. Let’s have a fucking vacation. I’m cancelling everything. We’re sleeping in and getting massages tomorrow and that’s it.”

“What are you fucking talking about?” Julian sneered.

“Look, you’re not in the mood. You don’t want to talk to me about it. Fine. Whatever. It’s none of my business and it doesn’t have to be. But if you’re not going to have fun, what’s the point, right? Let’s just stay in.” Clark stood up and went to their room phone with the intention to cancel everything they signed up for.

“You’re being ridiculous. What even is the point of this trip if we’re not going to be seen?” Julian called after him.

“Free vacation. No obligations. No pretending. Just lying here and doing nothing. It’ll be great,” Clark said and picked up the phone. “We could always just say that we were too busy fucking to go outside. We post pictures of us in bed. I post a picture of you half naked somewhere and cover your butt with the peach emoji. You post a picture of me in the shower and it’s all steamy. Plenty of chances. Then, afterwards, we can just hang out. I brought my Switch. It’ll be fine.”

And it was fine. Clark received a few confused messages from their team that bordered on scolding him. His responses consisted of a quick apology and no explanation.

Neither of them left the suite except for that massage and one meal, but only because they were craving something that wasn’t available to order with room service. They didn’t spend too much time together too. Julian was busy answering emails and calls about a movie he was producing and a script he was considering. Whatever he was stressing about was dealt with using the extra time he had not gallivanting with Clark on a pretend-couple’s getaway. He drank his wine. He played a couple of games with Clark. Mostly, he slept.

Clark always wondered if Julian ever slept whenever he thought of all the projects he was involved in. It was a relief to see him rest.

One lazy afternoon, they sang together. Clark was in the living area of their suite, strumming away at his guitar. He sang his playlist. Strayed to other songs he liked at times. He walked around the room, wagged his head from side to side, and choreographed his own version of a waltz with his guitar. Before long, he played a song that caused another voice to join him from another room. He walked towards it as he went along.

Julian was sitting by the vanity, legs propped up and laptop closed. He was scrolling through his phone and was making no moves to film this moment even though it would’ve been perfect fodder. They sounded great together.

Clark leaned on the door frame. He stared at Julian, whose eyes stayed glued to his phone. He only looked up when they reached the last chorus. They sang in perfect harmony until it ended. Clark felt fuzzy all over. He was in a cloud and Julian was the sun that lined it in silver. “Do you want to sing another one with me?” Clark offered. His heartbeat was finding a new, skipping rhythm when Julian smiled at him.

“Sure. Do you take requests?”

And they sang together for a couple more songs before Julian went back to his emails. Clark wished Julian had recorded it. Just so Clark could have the chance to replay.

On the last day. It was late in the afternoon, but it wasn’t quite sunset yet. Julian stood outside the balcony. Clark approached him with the mixed drink Julian ordered. They tapped their glasses together. He drank the version that didn’t have alcohol. The salty sea breeze blew around them. Clark breathed it in deep.

“Good thing I love my job,” Clark said. “I would just love to stay here and keep doing nothing.”

Julian hummed in response. After another moment, he said, “I wanted to thank you.” Clark faced him with an elbow braced on the balcony rail. “For this weekend. I didn’t think I needed all that time.”

Clark nodded. “No problem. It was nice to see you be human for once.” Julian stuck his tongue out and went back to his drink. Clark laughed. “You know what I mean.”

“Uh huh,” Julian hummed. “Don’t get used to it.”

“I don’t intend to,” Clark replied. “If you stopped working like you’re some neophyte trying to make it big, I would worry then.”

“You’re damn right.” Julian turned to him and tapped their glasses again.

* * *

Clark did his best not to fall in love with Julian.

This was a job. Julian was his coworker. They were doing the equivalent of overtime in regular jobs. Falling in love wasn’t part of the to-do list. And it wasn’t just because they had to kiss each other every hour too. Clark had kissed people for projects before. He didn’t fall in love with them. Somehow, Julian made himself the exemption without knowing.

He didn’t realize it was happening until it was too late.

He didn’t realize it when Julian fell asleep on his lap when they were hanging out before their scenes. Clark was playing with Julian’s hair.

He didn’t realize it when Julian surprised him with flowers when Julian picked him up for a date. Julian forced Clark to carry around a bouquet of sunflowers while they walked to the restaurant from the car. Clark was giddy the whole night.

He didn’t realize it when he stared at Julian while he muttered lines to himself with a closed script for ten minutes. Clark marveled at how handsome he was.

He didn’t realize it when he found himself looking forward to Julian’s next idea to sell their public relationship to the world.

He realized it one day when he was jamming with Haven and he was riffing lyrics with Raven. He sang a stanza that the boys praised. Raven relistened to the phone recording to write it down. Corey wrote down the notes on the music sheets. Sinny said, “Whatever you’re pulling this from, keep pulling!” And all Clark could picture was Julian Larson. When Raven sang the verse back to him, Julian was there. Every moment he could’ve realized that this had blossomed into something more came tumbling into him all at once.

Raven commented first, “Man, you should’ve started fake-dating Julian Larson sooner. This is inspired!”

Mikey was the one to register the epiphany striking Clark’s face. “…Oh fuck. Are you guys actually dating?”

* * *

J: hey saw ur interview about the upcoming album. That was sweet. Can’t wait to hear this new song that I [sparkle emoji] inspired [sparkle emoji] [rolling eyes emoji] [rolling eyes emoji] [tilted laughing emoji] [tilted laughing emoji] [tilted laughing emoji] [tilted laughing emoji]]

J: Ur getting better at this. “Every time we see each other, every time I think of him, every time he smiles, it’s music to me.” That’s some good shit. [okay hand sign emoji] [okay hand sign emoji] [okay hand sign emoji] [okay hand sign emoji] [okay hand sign emoji] Everyone’s gonna eat that up [tongue emoji] [tongue emoji]

C [Sunflower emoji]: haha yeah.

* * *

Julian Larson was an award-winning actor. Clark had seen a handful of Julian’s movies and he’d seen it up close in action. There was no denying his prowess. Julian didn’t share these feelings with Clark. He had to drill that into his thick skull whenever he had to be in public with Julian. He had to still his heart. Quell his excitement. Calm his giddiness. Nothing about this relationship was real and the sooner her remembered that, the better he was going to feel.

Despite his attempts, Clark continued to wish that this relationship was real.

He couldn’t tell Julian. There was no reason to unless Clark wanted to get his heart broken in real time by the hands he wanted to hold. And it wasn’t fair for Julian. He was doing his job. Clark was the wayward one. He shouldn’t put Julian in an uncomfortable position. If that happened, he wouldn’t be able to continue the façade, thus ending this relationship before its expiration date. Clark would much rather spend his allotted time with Julian than lose it for the sake of honesty. He’d been living a lie with Julian for the last several months. Surely, he could handle lying in a different way until they had to part ways after the movie’s been promoted within an inch of its life. It wouldn’t be a complete lie. Clark just wasn’t going to say anything.

At the same time, it wasn’t fair to Julian. He deserved to know. If Clark couldn’t be honest with his fanbase, he could at least be honest with his friend. Julian was his friend. All his friends deserved his honesty. He couldn’t be friends with someone he was actively lying to, even if it is by omission.

They were driving home on the last leg of the press junket. Clark was staying at Julian’s place. They did this so people could see that they were somewhat serious. Clark slept in one of the many guest rooms. Often, he wished he could sleep by Julian.

It was quiet, save for the music playing on the speakers. The two of them were talked out. They answered so many iterations of the same question that all their energy was being spent just getting home. Clark thought about reaching over to hold Julian’s hand but fought the urge.There were no cameras to see it. Besides, he didn’t want to tell Julian when he had to have his eyes on the road. He wouldn’t be able to concentrate.

When they got home, neither of them spoke. Without the music as a buffer, Clark could feel the weight of his confession in his throat. He took a deep breath, hoping not to choke. Julian smiled at him. Clark smiled back. That weight swung around in his chest and clanged against his heart.

“Do you want a snack?” Julian asked when they entered the kitchen from the garage. “I don’t know about you but press junkets always make me hungry afterwards.”

“Yeah, sure,” Clark replied. “Got any PopTarts?”

“Who do you think I am? Of course, I do.”

Clark poured himself a glass of water. Julian poured himself a glass of Moscato. They both sat on the counter while they waited for their PopTarts to pop out of their toasters.

“Jules?” Clark murmured. Part of him hoped Julian didn’t hear so he didn’t have to follow through. This was stupid. This wasn’t going to amount to anything. Julian might even laugh at him.

“Hm?” Julian sipped his drink.

Clark sighed. “I need to tell you something.” He turned his body to face Julian. One leg on the counter. Glass of water put aside. Julian turned with him.

“What is it?”

“I like you. A lot. Very much a lot,” Clark said. As expected, Julian reacted with nothing more than raised eyebrows. “I’m kinda in love with you, actually. But, I know I’m being stupid. I know this is work and nothing we’re doing is real. I just wanted to let you know. At some point…everything I said in interviews, for the cameras, on the Instagram…became true. Became how I truly felt instead of fabricating it. I didn’t want it to fester or curdle into something else. If it makes you uncomfortable or anything, let me know. We can call it off early. And yeah, I would like to stay friends, if you’ll have me. Don’t feel obliged to though.” Julian didn’t say anything. His eyes flicked over every area of Clark’s face. Clark wasn’t sure if he was calculating the most painless answer or if he was just confused that he was saddled with an idiot like Clark. Whatever it was, Clark accepted the silence with as much grace as he could muster.

The PopTarts popped out. That was his cue.

“That’s all I wanted to say,” Clark said. He slipped down from the counter. “You don’t have to say anything or try to spare my feelings. I’ll drive home so you don’t have to see me in the morning. I will take the PopTarts though.” He chuckled, but it hit all the wrong notes. He grabbed a paper towel and started picking his pair out of the toaster.

Tears waited beneath his lids. He wasn’t sure if he was going to cry or not anyway. There was nothing to mourn other than the possibility and the tiniest bit of hope he had that Julian would kiss him before he could get to the awkward end of his confession. He didn’t want to cry here. Guilting Julian wasn’t something he wanted to do, even if it wasn’t on purpose. He was going to walk out of here with his pride and the knowledge that he wasn’t going home a liar.

“Clark?” Julian put a hand on his shoulder. He shivered, closing his eyes, tilting his head back. His tears could wait.

“Yeah?” Clark said without turning.

“Can I ask you something stupid?”

Clark chuckled and one tear escaped the barrier. He wiped it away before it could get too far. “Sure. Go ahead.”

“Can you stay instead?” Julian asked. With his other hand, he laced his fingers through Clark’s fingers. A shuddering breath slipped out of Clark. “Please?”

“Are you sure?” Clark asked.

“You’re my boyfriend. Of course, I’m sure.”

Clark turned to Julian, whose eyes were as watery was his and his grin was brighter than every red-carpet photographers’ camera going off in perfect unison. “Okay,” Clarks squeaked.

Julian squeezed Clark’s hand. He giggled. Clark giggled too. He slipped away and walked backwards to the kitchen entryway leading to the rest of the house. “Bring the PopTarts to bed. You know where the plates are.”

“I know where the plates are.” Clark sniffled.

Julian nodded. After a final giggle, he said, “No crying. First one to cry loses.” Then he walked away to his room.

“Call me a loser then,” Clark murmured.

He was prepared for a lot of things. An argument. Clarifying questions. A conversation with their PR team. What he wasn’t prepared for was a best-case scenario. He was glad he wasn’t. He didn’t know what was going to happen next and that was his favorite part. 

**Author's Note:**

> Just some writing notes that I want to bring up here because I want people to NOTICE:  
> I purposefully didn't have them kiss after that first one. There are a few instances where I wanted them to but the I decided that I was going to do a thing. There was this post somewhere that was like "If you have to make two characters kiss to show that they're in love, they're not actually in love." And I know what you're thinking: this is fanfiction, let them fucking kiss they're in love. And that's true. But I like to challenge myself sometimes. I'm also writing (or, kinda rewriting) this novel where I have this pair that I want to happen (as their god, there's no escaping it) but I fell into the pitfall of having them kiss to show that they're infatuated with one another. (Heaven forbid you kiss someone you have feelings for and someone who reciprocates those feelings but hear me out.) It just didn't feel right for me so I decided, in the rewrite, that I need to figure out a better avenue to show that they care for each other in the romantic sense. I wrote this fic to practice lmao.   
> I'm sure I didn't execute it perfectly but whatever. I'm not gonna let myself think about it too much. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the fic <3


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